Suddenly looking back at the way she acts today, i remember my past, that was me 24 yrs ago when i was forced to enter tadika.. i run back home whenever i reached tadika.. I cry all day long.. My mother had to stop sending me to tadika.. I last for almost 2 weeks.. But back then tadika isn't compulsory (err is it compulsory now??).. u can still enter standard 1 and compete with other kids because standard 1 punya silibus still the basic one.. A B C 1+1 and all the simple things.. but look at the standard 1 punya silibus skang ni.. gilos.. macam standard 3 zaman aku dulu..
Kids nowadays can read almost fluently at age 6.. yeah of course some are more advanced but still.. its hard to compete with each other.. stressful for the kids and i think the parents are more stressful.. everybody want the best from their child huh..
well why did my heart breaks? coz i just don't have the heart to force Al to skool.. seeing her crying, screaming, then the sad eyes.. i just wish i don't have to force her but every parents want the best right? selfish me..
why did my heart breaks? seeing that my daughter didn't want to listen to me makes my heart breaks.. suddenly i felt 'pang' to my face.. is this how my mother felt back then? i must had break her heart thousand of times.. and how do i face future.. Al and Ad is a small girl now, what if they grown up and have their back on me? how do i cope with this heart breaking feeling.. u will not understand much until u become a mother.. see how a mother can be so defensive.. protecting their child even if they knew the child is guilty..
i always read in newspaper about a mother who defend his drug addict son and i wonder, why must the mother protect his son, she should just report to the police, no? i don't understand much about mother's feeling.. but as i slowly grow up and be a mother, i started to understand.. a good mother will do anything everything for their child.. (please exclude the one who buang their babies freely, they are plainly stupid)..
so what do i do now, i had try my best to make Al see how great school is, and i send my doa 5 times a day hoping that Al will be braver and ask Him for Al to has a stronger heart to face school.. please Allah.. please receive my doa..
